Aug. 26, 2021

Fabuloso, Turning 50 and Self-Healing with Dr. Drew

Dr. Drew talks to Kim about how faith and positive relationships can help you beat feeling helpless, imposter syndrome, and so much more.


Did you know that the easiest thing you can do to make yourself feel happier is to make your bed every day? This week Dr. Drew is on the podcast and between Kim and Dr. Drew there is an insane amount of wisdom being dropped in this episode. Dr. Drew is a legendary broadcaster, medical doctor, and TV host and he gives Kim some fantastic advice. He talks to Kim about how faith and positive relationships can help you beat feeling helpless, imposter syndrome, and so much more. 

This episode also has… purple cleaner? Yes! Kim shares another one of her tips and tricks and this time she may not even be able to pronounce the name of the product she’s recommending. An incredible amount of prep goes into these episodes, we swear. Listen to Lol with Kim gravel this week to find out what the heck we’re even talking about! 

 

Tell a friend about LOL with Kim Gravel!

 

You can find Kim Gravel @KimGravelOfficial on Facebook, and @KimGravel on Instagram and Twitter, and on TikTok @iamkimgravel

You can find Dr. Drew at his website: drdrew.com or on Twitter @drdrew on Instagram @drdrewpinsky and @Dr. Drew on Facebook.

This episode was produced by Zac Miller at Uncommon Audio

Theme Music by Tacoppella

Guest booking by Suzie Munson

Production help from Patrick Maciel 

Mixing and Mastering by Zach T Fell of ZTF Studio

Check out LOLKim.com for more!

Thanks for listening!

 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

L O L with Kim Gravel! Yeah!

Kim 00:05

All right. I'm excited about this. I always say that every week, that I'm excited about this episode, because...

 

Zac 00:10

You really do, Kim!

 

Kim 00:11

...it's really, it's getting a little crazy. I'm excited! I'm excited! I'm excited! But I am because I've got a dear friend of mine that's going to help I think just not only me, Zac, but a lot of people listening. Dr. Drew is on the show today. Dr. Drew. I know you're excited about meeting Dr. Drew.

 

Zac 00:27

I am actually really excited to meet Dr. Drew, I have to say.

 

Kim 00:30

I love him 'cause he's a straight shooter, Zac. He does not mince his words. I love that about him. And also we're going to keep it clean with Kim. What do you think that means, Zac?

 

Zac 00:40

Ooh, I don't know what that means. I'm a little, I'm a little scared. I'm going to gird my loins!

 

Kim 00:46

Gird your loins? Oh good for you! Good for you!

 

Zac 00:49

Right? Did I use it correctly?

 

Kim 00:50

You sure did! Thank you! Oh, I'm so impressed! Now keeping it clean with Kim is, did you know I'm a clean freak? Like, my house is like clean all the time. I'm spraying bleach or anything I can get my hands on to make it smell and look clean. So I'm gonna tell you some of my favorite things I use and tips on that. Wait, till you hear about it.

 

Zac 01:09

Let's get into it!

 

Kim 01:10

Let's do it.

 

Kim 01:13

You know what, Zac? this past week has been Nightmare on Elm Street for me. I know for you, it's been tough too because the baby had a surgery and the tonsils and adenoids out and all that. But like I miss my girls' trip.

 

Zac 01:27

Oh, tell me about it. What happened, Kim?

 

Kim 01:28

So, you know, going, celebrating my 50th birthday, we're all going to Turks and Caicos. It was like eight of us, like girls’ trip gone wild, the whole nine yards. We planned it for two years. My mother and sister are going, and three, five days before, you know, you have to get the COVID tests? They both test positive for COVID.

 

Zac 01:47

Uhhh!

 

Kim 01:49

I had to cancel the whole trip. I literally laid in bed for two days and cried. I mean, I know it's first world problems, but I'm just saying like with QVC and everything I got going on and the pressures and stuff, I was looking forward to that trip for a year and a half. Two days in the bed flat on my back. Just like, "It's over! My whole life is over!" So that's what I was dealing with it. So I'm so excited about the guest today, because of that, did you know that, do you know who Dr. Drew is?

 

Zac 02:16

I am obsessed with Dr. Drew.

 

Kim 02:19

Me too. Like he's been in the zeitgeists like in the world, like since the eighties. He looks like he's 25, though.

 

Zac 02:26

I personally feel like I learned so much about...

 

Kim 02:31

...life!

 

Zac 02:32

Yeah. Let's just say life from Dr. Drew.

 

Kim 02:33

Sex! I'm gonna say sex for you cause you're back... with you for listening to him talking about sex.

 

Zac 02:38

I have like the strongest memory of being in my old beat up Toyota Camry.

 

Kim 02:44

Okay.

 

Zac 02:45

...midnight listening to Dr. Drew on Loveline, yeah!

 

Kim 02:50

Well, I need them this week. And I know you do too, because you have been going through, you know, you've got those two babies and you know, when you have kids under five, doing anything, just like... that's torture. And then for me turning 50 and I can't celebrate, I'm laying in my bed flat on my back, going, "life is over!" We need Dr. Drew today. I love him so much. I love his straight talk approach. But yet in a caring, loving way. I mean, Celebrity Rehab, Sober House, Teen Mom. He's been around forever. I mean, he is Dr. Drew. Let's welcome him on to LOL with Kim Gravel. Dr. Drew, are you there?

 

Dr. Drew 03:25

I'm here guys. Thank you so much. And I think what I should do right now is just drop the mic and walk out. Cause there's nowhere for me to go, but down. I am a little bit concerned about this interview.

 

Kim 03:37

No! Now, come on! You know, and I know, and everybody knows that Dr. Drew, you are like, like I said, you're the zeitgeist! You've been in our conscience for decades!

 

Dr. Drew 03:47

I got it. I'm old. That's true! Check! Well done, Kim!

 

Zac 03:51

Dr. Drew, I was trying not to be like, oh yeah, I was like a teenager listening to Dr. Drew, I was trying not to say that, but...

 

Dr. Drew 03:58

Yeah, I was eleven when he was midway through his career, so okay! But, but, but to your own defense, you're off the floor, Kim! 50 is the new like 30, please!

 

Kim 04:06

Okay, okay. But 50 and I'm 50 and I'm an, I don't want to say old 50, but like Travis and I, when we got married. So we've been married 20 years, like in a couple of weeks.

So we had our kids really later on in life, right? So we did the whole career thing, 36 and 38.

 

Dr. Drew 04:22

Really later. By, on the Southern clock, on the Southern United States clock.

 

Kim 04:27

Yeah. I mean, we're, we're, you know, we're 21. We're popping them out.

 

Dr. Drew 04:29

My wife and I had our kids at 32, we had triplets Susan and I, and we are, that was right on schedule, you understand? It's not late in life.

 

Kim 04:38

So I'm not late in life, I'm good! So you're saying I'm good?

 

Dr. Drew 04:40

You're right on schedule, give me a break.

 

Kim 04:42

I love it! Okay. So tell me what you got going on right now. Cause I, I want to talk about this mental breakdown I had. I mean, it was, I jest about it and I'm kidding about it, but Dr. Drew, I'm going to just milk this time I have with you because I'm running two businesses, I have two preteens, I have a husband, I have... I'm working out of my house. It's the pandemic. I have to design like 30, 40 styles a month. I mean, TV, parenting, I'm stressed out. I think I had a break, man. I really do. Is that possible?

 

Dr. Drew 05:11

Oh my God, yes! Join, join the American zeitgeist, speaking of the zeitgeist, what were your symptoms?

 

Kim 05:16

My symptoms was I just fell into a ball and started crying and all because of a trip! Do you know what I'm saying like, I'm thinking, was it really the trip or was it just my switch was tripped?

 

Dr. Drew 05:27

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's funny, Susan and I were having a conversation last night. We went to Greece, right? And we had a great trip. And as that trip... and I had... the reason I went to Greece is 'cause I had bad COVID I was sick for like three months.

 

Kim 05:41

Really?

 

Dr. Drew 05:41

And when I was lying in the bed, just, um, just half dead, I just thought, you know, I can lie here miserable and be completely detached from the world. I could get detached to the world and have a good time also. So we're gonna go somewhere. And I also had another weird feeling which really bugged me, which is like, okay, I'm like a soldier, lying on the field. I'll take the bullet, but I want everyone else to have freedom! And the exact opposite was what was happening in our world, but that's another story, but we went to Greece and as that trip approached, I was desperate to get out of here. I know that desperation, just to get away, if I had that trip and canceled I would have lost my mind, I would have had the exact same reaction.

 

Kim 06:22

Oh my gosh!

 

Dr. Drew 06:23

So there's several things going on, right? You know, one is that that need to sort of unleash the pressure valve that we're all experiencing. Uh, and all the... I mean, whether you measure the craziness on social media or the difficulties coming out of our government or whatever your particular state's policies are, and then whatever we're trying to do to survive during this, to keep businesses and plates spinning. I mean, that's, that's crazy. And, and, and at the same time, none of us are leading the life we want to live, right? We're all leading this light life that's an adjustment to what's being were being required of us. And we diminished our social connectedness, which is the worst possible thing for a mental health. So we're isolating, we're stressed, we're adjusting, we've lost. We grieving. I mean, all of this stuff is going on at once and you, when you, I know that feeling of putting it all in that basket. So I'm just going to get out of here. Then when that's finally taken away from you, forget it, forget it. That's it. And I, and, and so that's a mix of depression and feeling overwhelmed and, and the thing that humans hate more than anything else is helplessness. And that's the feeling.

 

Kim 07:35

Well, and I felt like... I kept going, okay, I've got another week, I've got two weeks. I've got a week. I've got three days. And I felt like they... like the world, God, whatever it was moving the finish line. It kept... I was like, oh my God, I've been working so hard to get here! And then everybody, like, even my family was like, "It's just a trip" you know? And then I felt like,

 

Dr. Drew 07:58

How dare they? How dare they!

 

Kim 08:00

You know what I'm saying? Like pain is pain though, right? Like what is going on in the world with mental health right now? Because I think... okay, so everybody listening out there, do you know how many women, Dr. Drew, I talk to to about this? That are just desperate for some answers?

 

Dr. Drew 08:15

I can imagine. Well, answers. I, I, you know.

 

Kim 08:18

Well, if you can't help us... come on Dr. Drew!

 

Dr. Drew 08:22

Yeah, I can share the explanation, share the experience with you. And this is this experience of, you know, first total panic and what the press did to us and the government did to us, to induce a state of absolute terror.

 

Kim 08:37

Fear, yeah.

 

Dr. Drew 08:38

We should be empowering people.

 

Kim 08:40

Amen!

 

Dr. Drew 08:41

The disempowerment you felt is the opposite of what we should be doing with people in the face of all this. So we should be taking control of our life. We should be.... Let me tell you, give people some good examples of what they should do by the way. First of all, when the thing... if you have any resistance to the vaccine, it will have full FDA approval any day. There's a vaccine coming out called Novavax that it's a much cleaner, just a protein in your body, there's no new platforms or new technology. If you want to wait until that, get that, but let's do what we can to protect ourselves, number one. Uh, number two, uh, we should be using, if we get sick, use telemedicine. You don't have to go into the emergency room to go, even to, don't go to the hospital. Find a doctor online and you can talk with. Insist on early management of some type, there's all kinds of things you can do, get an O2 monitor for your finger so you can make sure you're not getting really sick. And then if you're above a certain age and in a certain risk group, and if you're moderately ill, get monoclonal antibodies, they're free and they're available in your home.

 

Kim 09:39

Okay, what is all this? I've got to write this down, slow down.

 

Dr. Drew 09:43

A nurse will show up in your house and infuse you. It kept me out of the hospital. I was still sick for forever, but, but it really prevented me from going into severe COVID. There's a lot to do is a ton to do, and we should be educating people about that.

 

Kim 09:55

Where is that information, Dr. Drew?

 

Dr. Drew 09:57

Nowhere! That's the problem. That should be the public health initiative. It should be their absolute number one and not, not. "Uh! Uh! I'm scared! I'm scared I have a bad feeling! I have a bad feeling!" That's not leadership. Give me a break. "It hurts. I have a bad feeling!" Hey, we're going to handle this, we're gonna take care of this. Yes, people are going to get sick, pandemics suck. People died.

 

Kim 10:19

Yeah, it's awful.

 

Dr. Drew 10:20

Pandemics are defined by excess death. It's horrible! Here's what we'e gonna do, everybody. Follow me. That's what they should be doing. Instead they're they're doing the opposite. Now, the big problem right now is people don't trust anything they're hearing as of these, these kind of conflicting, uh, you know, things that come up and that's just the way it is in medicine. Things change, ideas change.

 

Kim 10:41

Evolve too! They evolve.

 

Dr. Drew 10:43

Yes! Yes, yes, yes. But unfortunately this panic business, which is what's driving the business of press, is, is got to stop. The public health, the public health behavior and response during this has been atrocious and they need to correct course. Anyway, it's not good. No one wants to get this thing. It's a nasty thing.

 

Kim 11:04

My mom's had it. She's had it. I mean it, she's...

 

Dr. Drew 11:07

Yeah, I'm a long hauler, it's still ringing in my ear, but I've got broad immunity! It's good news. If you get it and you recover, good for you. You have broad immunity. Positive. We need, we need to deal with our mental health. Here we are, 93 thousand dead from opiate overdoses. Anyway, I transgress.

 

Kim 11:22

No, no, no. But I'm glad that you're speaking to this cause it's making me, I mean, if, if Dr. Drew is getting to a place where he is like, if I don't take this trip, I'm out. You know, like I'm gonna just collapse.

 

Dr. Drew 11:30

Yeah. Yeah. I was there. I was there a hundred percent.

 

Kim 11:34

Then I feel like, okay, I'm not crazy. I'm just exhausted.

 

Dr. Drew 11:40

Yep. Yeah. Uh, yes! And, and again, I want to put a pin in this idea of helplessness.

Helplessness is a horrible condition for human beings. It has. It's, it's actually the core experience in trauma.

 

Kim 11:55

Define helplessness, define what you mean by that.

 

Dr. Drew 11:57

I have no control over this situation. They took the, some, some forces outside of my self, took this trip away from me and there was nothing I could do about it. Now, there are ways to deal with helplessness and unfortunately we're not teaching people that either. Understand there are forces greater than yourself. So kind of got to have to learn to surrender to that. Have the grief reaction that's associated with that surrender.

 

Kim 12:25

Thank you.

 

Dr. Drew 12:26

And, this is a really important piece, some notion of faith to pull you through it and whatever that means to you and you have, and then the other thing is interpersonal relationships. You've got to focus on and expand your interpersonal, uh, web, because that is, that is what we're missing in these lockdowns. So, anyway...

 

Kim 12:48

Well, I love that you're somewhat taking ownership of your destiny. Are we in the blame game though? From a broader perspective I want to talk people's lives. I mean, because  my kids are comparing their own lives to people posting perfection on social media.

 

Dr. Drew 13:01

That's terrible. That's how people get that, that's the source of unhappiness. You must be very happy until they see somebody else with more than they become unhappy.

 

Kim 13:11

And do they really have more or they just faking it till they make it, you know?

 

Dr. Drew 13:14

And of course, and, and by the way, even if they have more, are they happier? You know what I mean?

 

Kim 13:20

No, it's true. It's true.

 

Dr. Drew 13:20

People have got to get that straight in their head too. I mean, yes, it's nice. You get, you get a certain degree of freedom and it's fun and blah, blah, blah. But happiness is something altogether different and happiness is embedded in our relationships. Let's be clear about that.

 

Kim 13:36

How do you go from helplessness though, Dr. Drew to that happiness that we're all looking for?

 

Dr. Drew 13:41

Well, you may not get there right away, right? And you've gotta be prepared. You gotta remember. I said, the first thing is grief. You're going to be unhappy. And then you have to accept. Acceptance is part of the game here. And, but, but faith that you can be happy, helps pull you through. That's the kind of element I'm talking about. The other thing, you know, I've noticed, you know, I've worked with mental health for a long time. When people are, um, getting better, improving, one of their first things they do is start taking inventory of what they're grateful for. So constantly. Ah, okay. I am healthy today. I've got my kids. I got, I got one. Zac's got his, I mean, you've got whatever, you know.

 

Kim 14:19

Yeah. Zac has two young ones, so he's always leaning on his faith and he, he just had his little baby just had her tonsils out and he's like, "Kim, oh my God. What did I do?"

 

Dr. Drew 14:27

Just the beginning, my friend, just the beginning. Relax.

 

Zac 14:29

Thanks, Dr. Drew, thank you.

 

Kim 14:34

Grief that! Grief That!

 

Dr. Drew 14:39

You know, it's a lot, we're going through a lot to expect that this isn't going to be easy is unrealistic and you have to also, you know, one of the, the, the, another, you know, so let's kind of make our lists. So acceptance. Gratitude. It is faith. And, uh, was the other thing I was going to say? Shoot! Oh, reality on reality's terms. Accept that's back to acceptance, you know, accept things as they are not as they, you wish them to be.

 

Kim 15:04

Okay. It sounds simple. It sounds simple, but it takes, does it take time?

 

Dr. Drew 15:10

Yeah, that's what I said. It's not as though grief goes away in hours, right? Grief goes away in months.

 

Kim 15:14

I'm still grieving my trip.

 

Dr. Drew 15:15

I betcha. How long ago was that?

 

Kim 15:16

Last week, I should have been back from the trip on Wednesday.

 

Dr. Drew 15:20

Well, so let's talk about that. So how..

 

Kim 15:21

Let's talk about my trip, yeah.

 

Dr. Drew 15:22

Yeah, so, so how could you manage that grief? What do you think you ought to do? What can we do to sort of..

 

Kim 15:30

I didn't manage it well, um, I think I'm, I think I'm over the grieving part. I was very evil and hateful to my family, like honestly, and people are going to judge me for this. I don't give a rip. I'm 50 years old. I was pissed, okay? I'm like, mom for real? She would go to church on Sunday, her and my sister, and love up on everybody and hug them and God bless. And there was people in there that had COVID and I said, protect yourself before we go on this trip. And she just, you know, “My happy place is at church, Kim.”

I'm like, “Well, now my happy place, which was going to be Turks and Caicos, is not happening.” So I blamed, I blamed.

 

Dr. Drew 16:05

So maybe a starter is some, amends to the people...

 

Kim 16:08

Oh, we have! We have. I got through all that and thought, oh my God, my mom's sick, yeah.

 

Zac 16:13

And it's worth saying Kim, that you're, they're fine, right? They're fine.

 

Kim 16:16

Oh my gosh. They're yes, they're so blessed.

 

Dr. Drew 16:16

I can't believe the first thing is to destroy her family. Look for that on Twitter.

 

Kim 16:21

You know, I did have to think about going, God, you're being so mean to your family. Your mom has COVID she's 74. Let's give her a break. You know?

 

Dr. Drew 16:30

Yeah. It's like cleaning things up, right? Yeah, amends, that's an important part of this, it's basic recovery stuff, you know, the recovery, you know, it's interesting. The 12 step recovery is just leading, how to lead a good life and all the, all the principles I saw, you know, really sick people apply there. Just apply to all of us. They really do.

 

Kim 16:49

It works. It works.

 

Dr. Drew 16:51

The same simple, simple, simple.

 

LOL OUTRO 16:53

 

Kim 17:03 

So I heard you on a podcast. You know, I listen to you all the time. I like you for many, many reasons. First of all, Dr. Drew is really so knowledgeable, but you have a heart as big as Texas. You really do. You have a heart for people, but you're a straight shooter.

 

Dr. Drew 17:16

I know what I know.

 

Kim 17:17

You know what you know, and you believe in what you know, and there's no one gonna tell you different.

 

Dr. Drew 17:22

I've had.. here's speaking of gratitude, I've had this extraordinary clinical experience, right? So I was trained in internal medicine. I taught internal medicine. I was going to be a cardiologist, but got sidetracked working at a psychiatric hospital, had this huge experience for 30 years, working in a psychiatric hospital, all the while, maintaining an inpatient and outpatient medical practice. So I saw everything that we see about the human experience. I saw it all for years, for decades. And, uh, that gave me some very strong opinions about certain things and there we are.

 

Kim 17:55

Yeah. But I think I'd rather have somebody's strong opinion, the straight shooter, then some mamby pamby, like what we're dealing with now, but that's besides, well it's another story. Um, but I heard you talk about the imposter syndrome on a podcast recently, and that's kind of been this hot button, this little like buzzwords that are going around. What is an imposter syndrome. And are we, are we there?

 

Dr. Drew 18:18

It's a little complicated, but, but fundamentally the way human expertise works, it follows a graph, a curve. You, when you come upon a new topic, your first feeling about your learning about that topic is: I got this. I know it. I know everything there is to know about this. Now that's called Dunning-Kruger effect. Dunning Kruger is the predominant problem today. Everybody that does a Google search has Dunning-Kruger. They, they think they understand something because they've looked it up on Google. It's a distortion. Then as you begin to study the topic and develop real expertise, you immediately fall off a cliff and go into a valley where you feel, I know nothing, there's much to know. I can't understand any of this. And you come out of that valley slowly as you gain true expertise. And when you have real expertise, that's where the imposter syndrome checks and kicks in because you have this vast sense of how incredibly complex the topic is. And you feel like little me cannot possibly know this. Somebody else out there who is an expert in this topic that I'm now an expert in knows it much better than me. I'm the imposter. It's too vast for me. I'm an imposter. And in fact, that's when you're an expert.

 

Kim 19:45

Right. I got so tickled. I'm so enthralled with this because I told Zac when I first met him and I've told several people that I interview with or talk with and I say, I know I'm so wise. And they look at me like, "This girl is full of bird turd." And I said, I know I'm so wise cause I don't know nothing.

 

Dr. Drew 20:02

There you go.

 

Kim 20:03

And the more I know to realize I don't know as much as I even thought I did know. Is that what you're talking about?

 

Dr. Drew 20:07

That's what I'm talking about. One of the classic figures of history that expressed that all the time was Albert Einstein. He kept saying, I, I, I don't, I there's too. There's so much, you know, I, I know nothing. I know nothing about what there is to know. So just take that in perspective. If you want to put yourself on the scale of what, you know.

 

Kim 20:25

When someone acts like they know everything, I'm like, I can't be friends with you. We're out, I'm out. You know what I'm saying? But that's an old country thing my granddaddy used to tell me all the time, cause he was such a, he was a tobacco farmer. And so, I mean, he, he would just say even farming after the 50 years he farmed, he was like, I'm always learning something about the earth and science and all that. You know? It's never ending.

 

Dr. Drew 20:45

That's right.

 

Kim 20:45

I want to ask you one more thing before I let you go cause I know you're busy. To all the parents out there, me included, and Zac is hot on the heels with this one. With kids and social media and YouTube and TikToK. And I went on TikToK the other day, Dr. Drew, and there was more... Uh, th th the things that I was hearing just from even like little, little cute little dances, these young kids are doing the lyrics and the music I'm like, "Oh my gosh!"

 

Dr. Drew 21:15

Right.

 

Kim 21:13

What do we do? What do we do as parents? What's your suggestion?

 

Dr. Drew 21:20

I'm... when I leave you, I'm going to actually do a podcast, a streaming show, uh, with an expert. You can find the doctor.com who has all the data on things like what has happened as a result of giving all our kids, uh, iPads to go do all their classwork on and how unbelievably destructive this has all been.

 

Kim 21:41

I agree.

 

Dr. Drew 21:42

Yeah. And then they told the dose of Dr. Drew, but every time I talked to her, it freaks me the hell out. And she allows her kids online one hour a day period. That's it. Otherwise, sorry. No. And of God, she has to fight battle after battle, but that's it. She's too convinced. It's like the way I deal with substance use of my kids. I'm like, you know, try it. I'll put you in, yeah I'll make sure the cops get you. Just try it. Don't don't die. I've seen too many kids die. Um, and she's got that same attitude. So she's able to pull it off. You have to really know in your heart that it's a dangerous place. Let me just point out that we, we sort of have a, a news story that I think is relevant to all this and it's worth sort of doing a thought experiment about it.

Imagine if you're Simone Biles. And you grew up with your identity out there on social media. And now just imagine this is the, this is one of the most perfect athletes on earth. Imagine the negativity she got on social media, huge. All of them. That's, that's a perfect person getting all that negativity. And now she has to live up to perfect, which I understand completely why she dropped out. I totally get it.

 

Kim 22:49

I do too and I commend her for it.

 

Dr. Drew 22:51

I do too. If she stepped one inch off that perfect line, she would have been, her identity would have been under attack on social media. And she's 20. So how do you withstand that?

 

Kim 23:03

How do you move forward?

 

Dr. Drew 23:04

Think about where these kids are establishing their sense of themselves and their identity and do something about it. Get them in the world, get them out of this virtual world, out of social media. It's not a benign thing. It is having a deleterious effect on their person, on their development. And, uh, you can't, you can't avoid it. It's it's not, it's not like, yeah, you can't pretend it's not there. I mean, you can't well, don't pretend it's not there. That's the worst thing you could possibly do is put your head in the sand. But, but don't think that you're gonna to have them living without it. I mean, you're going to have to be like, you know, living in Western Pennsylvania in a farmhouse, if you're going to try to get them off it, cause they're going on it, they just are. But you've got to give them all the tools they need to develop a sense of self and emotional regulation and identity...

 

Kim 23:49

...and responsibility.

 

Dr. Drew 23:50

all that! And virtues and values and all the good things outside of that. And don't, don't let that be the source of their identity.

 

Kim 23:57

So what you're saying is don't let TikToK teach our children ethics, morals, and character?

 

Dr. Drew 24:02

Don't let, don't let parents teach... and a whole other topic, which is the importance of family and the importance of, you know, this is, this is beyond important and we have squandered and sidelined the most important unit. We know that from child development, we absolutely know that. There's no debate about that. Now, and I'm not saying, and I'm not judging anybody's kind of unfortunate circumstances in their family. This stuff happens, I know. But because we have sympathy and empathy for those people, we don't also say family doesn't matter. It matters.

 

Kim 24:45

It matters.

 

Dr. Drew 24:41

And by the way, for people that are struggling with family systems and aren't working, a single sustained relationship with an adult outside the home by age eight dramatically changes the outcome for the children.

 

Kim 24:53

Coaches, anything like that.

 

Dr. Drew 24:55

Coaches, big brother. Teachers, yeah, but sustained for long years. So that is another thing to keep in mind.

 

Kim 25:03

Well, that should be Dr. sustained Drew, because you had been been so in our conscience and helping us...

 

Dr. Drew 25:11

Here we go again, we're going back to me being old.

 

Kim 25:12

No, no. We're going back to you being wise, we're doing the wise thing.

 

Dr. Drew 25:17

Okay. Nice euphemism, well done.

 

Zac 25:19

There you go. Kim, you nailed it.

 

Kim 25:23

Okay. Dr. Drew, you've got a lot going on, but you've got something exciting coming up.

You've got a new book coming out, right?.

 

Dr. Drew 25:25

I do. I wrote it with my daughter. It's called It Doesn't Have To Be Awkward. And it is written for a sort of adolescent age, uh, population. Before the pandemic, tons of confusion about consent. So we sort of enter this conversation through consent, but it's a book really about relationships and about how to sort of craft relationships or little basic sort of rules of thumb you can use. Much like we've been talking about faith and gratitude and this kind of stuff, my daughter had a preoccupation with Elvis Presley and TCB, Taking Care of Business, current TCB, and do the aphorism for relationships, trust, compassion, and boundaries. And you have to read the book to find out about it.

 

Kim 26:02

Ooh, that's going to be good. I like it, this is with your daughter. How old is your daughter?

 

Dr. Drew 26:06

Twenty eight. She's a, she's a writer. She's like Columbia trained writer, way more equipped to write a book like this than me. She did a great job. So we do it together in this.

 

Kim 26:16

Oh, that's great. I can't wait to read it. Cause you know, like I got these young kids coming up. Dating, relationships. Ugh.

 

Dr. Drew 26:22

It would be good for them. And they put lots of examples in it and you know, you have a 28 year old giving advice to sort of adolescents...

 

Kim 26:29

Good!

 

Dr. Drew 26:30

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's good.

 

Kim 26:31

Oh, that's awesome. Alright, I'm gonna pick that up.

 

Dr. Drew 26:33

Thank you.

 

Zac 26:33

That's great. It must be fun to do a project like that with your kid, with your daughter.

Like I can't wait until my kids are old enough to do... I mean, that's a lot, but something.

 

Dr. Drew 26:42

I recommend it.

 

Kim 26:43

You got a long way to go, Zac. So hang on.

 

Zac 26:45

I do!

 

Kim 26:46

Okay. But we close every, we close every, every guest I asked these rapid fire questions.

 

Dr. Drew 26:50

Alright, go ahead.

 

Kim 26:51

So, so just get loose. I just want you to say the first thing that comes to your mind.

Okay. What do you do to relax?

 

Dr. Drew 26:58

Work out.

 

Kim 26:59

Oh, really? How many times a week?

 

Dr. Drew 27:01

Oh yeah. As many as I can. I only work out when I can't. Today I'm going to work out and run and I'm looking forward to it.

 

Kim 27:08

Oh, I need to, I need to be hanging with you. What is your favorite junk food snack? Don't give me some healthy apple mess. I wan't really like Cheetos.

 

Dr. Drew 27:16

Peanuts. I, I, I'm on a zero carb, I've been on a zero carb for three years.

 

Kim 27:20

I need to do it, Dr. Drew. I need to do it.

 

Dr. Drew 27:22

It really is good.

 

Kim 27:23

What are you addicted to?

 

Dr. Drew 27:26

Exercise, work.

 

Kim 27:28

Come on now! Favorite song from the eighties?

 

Dr. Drew 27:32

I like Psychedelic Furs, Pretty In Pink, I don't know.

 

Kim 27:35

Oh. Pretty in Pink, yes!

 

Dr. Drew 27:38

But, but, but I, I was exposed to all those 80 cause Loveline was going on in the eighties...

 

Kim 27:42

I remember!

 

Dr. Drew 27:43

all that music so it's hard to pick a favorite. Haircut 100. It's like going all the way back with you.

 

Kim 27:49

Do you have any phobias?

 

Dr. Drew 27:50

I had fear of flying for a long time, I got over it. So that was that. And that's sort of typical of fear of flying comes on and it goes away.

 

Kim 27:57

Your favorite part about being married?

 

Dr. Drew 27:59

It's gonna embarrass my wife and it's going to sound weirdly glib, but that I'm married to my wife, to this person. That's my favorite part.

 

Kim 28:1

Do you believe in soulmates?

 

Dr. Drew 28:13

I believe in matches.

 

Kim 28:14

Ohhhhh!

 

Dr. Drew 28:16

There, you know, this, the soulmate thing is, I mean, you know, if soulmates were... How is it that the 80% of people that get in a romantic relationship happened to be in the same proximity? You know what I mean?

 

Kim 28:27

I agree with you on that! I believe in matches!

 

Dr. Drew 28:20

The biggest predictor of you is proximity. And so, but matches is a lot to matching. There's a lot to getting the right person. And that's, it's a huge...

 

Kim 28:39

I totally agree with you there. I totally do it. What is one piece of advise you can say to someone right now who's listening that needs a mental boost? Just one little piece of advice.

 

Dr. Drew 28:51

I think the simplest and the best thing to do immediately is just take an inventory of what you're grateful for. And the other thing is the happiness literature is clear on this other thing. This is weird, but, but I'm telling you, it works. Make your bed every day.

 

Kim 29:09

I do! I do and it works!

 

Dr. Drew 29:07

It's so weird. It's so weird, but the happiness researchers will all tell you that that's, if you want to do one thing, make your bed. Weird. Huh?

 

Kim 29:19

No, it's not weird. I totally, I don't know why I know that, but that was another thing my grandfather used to tell me all the time. My grandparents must have a lot of wisdom. One last thing. What makes Dr. Drew happy?

 

Dr. Drew 29:31

Freedom. For you to do, you know what I want to do with, you know, when I want to do it. That's a hard thing to achieve. It's very, very, very hard. That's not something that, because we all have all kinds of obligations and this and that, but the more I'm free to do what I want. It's that the happier I am, so...

 

Kim 29:46

I think that's pretty universal. Thank you so much. It's so good to see your face again.

 

Dr. Drew 29:52

You too. Thank you for inviting me.

 

Zac 29:54

Thanks Dr. Drew.

 

Kim 29:58

Dr. Drew was dropping some wisdom bombs, Zac!

 

Zac 30:04

Oh, he's great.

 

Kim 30:05

The man knows what he's talking about and he's passionate about it. And you know what I'm passionate about?

 

Zac 30:10

What's that?

 

Kim 30:11

Keeping it clean with Kim.

 

Zac 30:13

I don't know what that means.

 

Kim 30:15

I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. Just wait, wait til you hear it.

 

Zac 30:16

All right. I can't wait to find out.

 

Kim 30:27

So I had the perfect day two days ago.

 

Zac 30:31

Okay. Tell me about it.

 

Kim 30:32

It was storming, raining, and I'm not talking about like the little drizzle that you get from like, you know, this partly sunny and like can't decide is it gonna rain, is it not gonna rain,  humid, you know. I'm talking about like, the perfect rainy day for me is a storm, not like a tornado or lightning striking just that heavy downpour that you could just hear it. It was that kind of day.

 

Zac 30:53

You want heavy pelting rain?

 

Kim 30:55

What does that mean? Pelting? Does that mean like, like downpour? Did you just say Hilton? Okay. Just say downpour.

 

Zac 31:04

You want a downpour? Hey Kim, do you like downpours?

 

Kim 31:07

I do. I don't want, I don't want weak rain, I want Hilton rain. And I have to get really, really cold and I want to be by myself. Of course. I'm telling you, I feel like, people are like, "Kim, do you really love your family?" I do. I just don't want them around. And then, um, and what my floors freshly vacuumed. Is that weird?

 

Zac 31:30

That's a little weird, but I think I get it. Tell me why. Give me a little more than that.

 

Kim 31:34

I just like it clean. I want it to be really clean. I want it to smell clean, look clean. I just want it to, when I step on my carpet, I just want to have the tracks and I want it to smell like this. Okay. Okay. Okay. One of my favorite products. Of all time. Oh God, I can't remember what it's called. In a jug, it's purple. Fabulosity? Fabulositay? I don't know, fabulosito? What's that called? God, I gotta Google it!

 

Zac 32:02

Fabulosito sounds like, like a gay super villain? I don't know!

 

Kim 32:08

I know a few of those. Um, what is it called? Look it up, Zac, Google it!

 

Zac 32:14

Look it up? This is your thing.

 

Kim 32:16

Have you never heard of this? Has your wife never heard of this?

 

Zac 32:18

Fabulosido?

 

Kim 32:20

It's not called that! It's called something with an F.

 

Zac 32:23

Okay, hold on.

 

Kim 32:24

Put Fab cleaning supply.

 

Zac 32:26

Oh there's something just called, oh, Fabuloso!

 

Kim 32:29

Fabuloso! I told you it was loso, but I put a lil', what did I put on there?

 

Zac 32:33

You put a little losito.

 

Kim 32:35

Losido, Fabuloso, losido. Whatever! Tomato, tomato, let's just pull the whole thing off. I mean, it's great. That is the best. And you have to get the purple.

 

Zac 32:43

Oh, yeah. Oh, it looks very purple.

 

Kim 32:45

But be careful with your kids. Make sure it's locked because it looks like, like a fun little fruit drink, but it's, it's the best cleaning stuff I've ever. And this is not a paid ad, but if they want to send me some, please feel free.

 

Zac 32:57

The package does make it look delicious now that you've said that!

 

Kim 33:00

Have you not ever seen that?

 

Zac 33:02

No!

 

Kim 33:02

Okay, y'all. So like growing up, I was a bleach babe. So my mom, we would do the four Clorox clean-up, we'd make our own bleach. Now one time I tried to make it and like a bomb went off because if you mix it with the wrong things.. So like, I'm a Clorox clean-up

 

Zac 33:17

Wait, you made your own bleach?

 

Kim 33:18

We're not talking about this because people will call me from the government, okay? No, it was not that it was accidental. Cause I'm a, I'm a clean nut bag. Like I'm nutters about cleaning. I'm not a messy, okay? I'm a clutter nut bug. I'm no Fabulosito. But I...

 

Zac 33:37

You're no Fabulosito?

 

Kim 33:38

No, but I, you know, like my toilet's and mess and like, my kitchen counters and stuff. I'm a nut about it. Like clean, clean, clean, and I'm not a germophobe. I'm not a germophobe, I just like it to smell really fresh. Like before anybody comes over and my house is real dirty, I'll just go pour Lofabulosito. What was it called? What were we calling it?

 

Zac 33:57

Fabuloso.

 

Kim 33:59

Fabuloso. No, it's called Fabuloso. I'll go and pour that down the sinks and areas of my house. It's the best stuff. That's my tip for the day. The best cleaning thing on the market is Fabuloso. The purple. The purple.

 

Zac 34:15

So wait, what does it smell like? Cause you said you like the clean smell. What's the smell like?

 

Kim 34:18

You know, I love, I used to love the bleach smells, like I said, but this has this amazing, like, I dunno, I can't describe it. I wish like some of the listeners y'all will let me know if you use it and what you think it smells, it just smells clean and fresh. It smells like when my grandmother used to hang the clothes out on the line to dry.

 

Zac 34:36

Yeah.

 

Kim 34:37

Oh God! Do you remember that? Does your grandmother do that?

 

Zac 34:40

No!

 

Kim 34:42

We used to... in those sheets, I mean, she'd wash sheets every week and she'd lay them on the bed, she let them, you know, air dry.

 

Zac 34:48

I never, we never lived. My grandmother's always, didn't like I live near us.

 

Kim 34:52

So they never had Fabulosso, Fabuloso.

 

Zac 34:54

They, maybe they did. I just didn't know about it.

 

Kim 34:57

You got to get it, Zack, let's say it together. One, two, three. Fa-bu...

 

Zac 35:00

Fabuloso...!

 

Kim 35:02

You're so bad when we do this together. Fabuloso.

 

Zac 35:06

Fabulosito. Everybody!

 

Kim 35:09

No, it's called Fabuloso, it's everywhere you can buy your cleaning supplies. This is not a paid ad. This is just one of my tips and trick.

 

Zac 35:15

No, but apparently it's an ad of some kind. You're really pitching it!

 

Kim 35:18

I love it! Because I genuinely love it. It's a good cleaning supply. Try it. Purple. That's it. That's my tip for the day. Rainy day, Fabuloss, and vacuum floors make for the perfect day. So from me and Fabulosido. That's Zac, that's Zac's new nickname.

 

Zac 35:41

That's the one... I'm gonna make that product and we're selling it together. I'm putting your picture.

 

Kim 35:46

No, put your face on it. Not mine!

 

Zac 35:47

No one wants my face.

 

Kim 35:48

Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean part two. There he is! No, really try it, y'all. That's my tip and trick of the day. Enjoy. If you don't believe me, just try.

 

Zac 36:03

Three weeks later....

 

Kim 36:06

Oh, Zac! Finally got to go on that trip. Trip of a lifetime!

 

Zac 36:11

I'm so glad for you, Kim.

 

Kim 36:12

Me too! I was so down and depressed, but you know what? My family's healthy. My mom and sister, everybody recovered. We all tested negative for COVID and we got on that plane to Turks and Caicos! Oh, it was a trip of a lifetime. You know what?

So the moral of the story is don't lose hope, you know. All works out so grateful, right?

 

Zac 36:35

Yeah. Don't lose hope. I love that. Yep. And, uh, don't record podcasts like three weeks too early. You know what, maybe recording the podcast got my mind in a different place and I was able to go on my trip.

 

Zac 36:50

Ooh. All right. Thank you, Dr. Drew!

 

Kim 36:53

Thank you, Dr. Drew!

 

Kim 36:55

LOL with Kim Gravel is produced and edited by Zac Miller at Uncommon Audio. Theme music by Tacoppella. Guest booking by Suzie Munson. Production help from Patrick Maciel. Mixing and mastering by Zach T Fell of ZTF Studio. If you love the podcast, share it with a friend and make sure to leave us a great review.

Thanks for listening!